wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
