Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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