I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
