how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
