someone threw a dead crab at me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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