the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i barfeds in our rink
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
