I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
