areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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