he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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