Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize