There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm too high and old for this...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
