Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
