Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
