you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
