she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
