I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize