even my farts smell like vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
