Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize