Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
