have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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