i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came so hard my ears popped.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
