So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize