Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
