So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
