just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
