So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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