if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
