the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
