There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
