I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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