Moan for me like Helen Keller
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
