I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
