Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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