I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
