I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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