the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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