You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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