i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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