I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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