I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
