We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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