i just wanna soil my oats bro
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
