I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
