It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
