You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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