just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
