He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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