The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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