Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
