Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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