I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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