if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
4 words: hood of his car
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
