Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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