mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize