I puked a lego.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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