it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
