I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
