I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
