you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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