I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
