life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
