Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
