just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
