i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
