So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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