11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
