8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
