you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize