u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
