So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize