i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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