She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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