I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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