He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
