Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
