That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
