Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
