it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize