apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize