their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
As shirtless as possible
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
