They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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